


This is Really Ridiculous!

by Thrawn



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Amending one's ways, Breakups, DNA troubles, Embarrassment, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Making Right- no matter what the cost, Religious Content, Religious Themes, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 14:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7576777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thrawn/pseuds/Thrawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow's magic causes havoc in her relationship with Kennedy… This is pure silliness on my part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Extremely Unpleasent Surprise.

 

 

** This is Really Ridiculous! **

**By James Carmody**

**Pennames: Cotto, Vantiri, Krulos, Thrawn, Mollari, Palpatine, Vorchan.**

**Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfiction.**

**Pairing: Willow/Kennedy**

**Summery:** _Willow's magic causes havoc in her relationship with Kennedy… This is pure silliness on my part._

**Disclaimer:** _Buffy is the property of Joss Whedon, not me., I take no reimbursement aside from the credit for this individual story._

 **Author's beginning notes:** _Story takes place somewhere in season 7, but Willow and Kennedy are not sleeping together the night before, I doubt it would have made much of a difference… Kennedy's DNA gets messed up during the night._

**Chapter 1: An extremely unpleasant surprise.**

Upon waking up, Kennedy realized that something was off… her face felt hot- I mean unusually warm, and just her face. She blinked then reached up with her right hand, and… ' **What?! Facial Hair?!** It can't be!' she was surprised to say the least _'The last thing I remember is talking to Willow before going to bed, she said that she wanted to do a… spell?! SHE DID THIS!? I love her, but she's sure acting like a lunatic these days.'_ I know I said 'it might be cool to have a beard', but this is ridiculous! Upon hiking to the mirror, her surprise was compounded: _'I look like Santa Claus! Of course, minus the fatness, I'm a girl, not a guy, and the facial hair is black, not white- but_ **still** _!'_

Now Kennedy was mad- with the fact that Willow had bollixed up her DNA, who knows what'll happen next, she wanted to find Willow and talk to her… but, unfortunately, the first person she ran into was….. Xander! He did a number of things: a double-take, his mouth fell open, dropped his cup of coffee on the carpet (luckily he'd finished it), and when he was finally sure what he'd seen, burst out laughing! "Kennedy? Is that you? With a beard?" he asked, he was charming, and kind, but man, could he be… blunt sometimes! "Yes, and this is why I need to talk to Willow, I think she may have something to do with this 'biological mess' that I am in." "Wow! I had no idea that you were so biased against guys!" "What?! NO! I just mean that somehow my DNA got all messed up last night,,, Willow told me that she was going to do a spell, and I know how this kind of thing tends to cause havoc- I never imagined it would give me a beard, though."

Buffy came by next, and her look said it all quite clearly; WHAT?! It genuinely looked like she was going to burst out laughing, so Kennedy decided to get it over with "Yeah, laugh it up" she said angrily, then continued "I look ridiculous, I really do." she said, and for the first time felt like crying.

About thirty-five minutes later…Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Kennedy banged on the bathroom door. "Willow, hurry up! I need to shave before church!" Kennedy was banging on the door of the bathroom. "OK, no need to inform me of your bathroom needs. I know we're involved, but still, a little lady-like decorum would be appreciated!" Then she opened the door and "HOLY COW Kennedy, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Willow blurted "Yeah, that's kind-of what I want to know." Kennedy said rather angrily with her eyebrows knit together, her lips grim, and just looking angry "You know how important my beliefs are to me… I can't go to church like this- WHAT DID YOU DO?" "Ok, I understand" Kennedy shut the door "I thought you meant your legs, not your face though!" "It has to be a spell. Get it through your head, Willow, magic is hazardous! For crying out loud, you're toying around with Dad's gun!" "Dad's gun? Kennedy, I don't understand, what do you mean?" "Remember history, the Colonial period? How they had to keep a loaded gun in the house to fight off attacks- what with the length of time it took to load and the accuracy of those weapons, or lack thereof?" "Ok, I begin to get it, but the gun analogy, still lost there." Kennedy looked right at her "Girlfriend, you changed MY DNA, don't get me wrong, I love you, but still, why would you do this to me? Do you want me to be your boyfriend too? I mean, DNA is arguably **the** most potent mix of chemicals imaginable, it's the very way life is made itself, and how life is sustained! You messed me up!" "I messed You up? No-no-no, I am sure this was a 'we thing'." "I went to  bed Willow, how in the world could I have done this?" as she pointed to her beard with her hand while still in her pajamas.

Xander was talking to Buffy and said "Kennedy sure did look bizarre today, what's up with that?" The women could hear it quite clearly through the door. "Ok, let's think it through logically, it has to be a spell, but how do you get the idea that I did this, and why would I do this?" "Maybe you decided to make me your boyfriend." "What?! Ken-doll, you know I am into girls!" Willow responded "Besides, I am not the only magic-user around, maybe it was one of them." "Un-huh." Kennedy said skeptically and nodding slightly, with her arms crossed, "Look Willow, there's a proper use of mysticism, and a **very** **dumb** **use** thereof, to invoke a saint or God is to help someone- so long as it's actually TO help them, however to invoke a UNRELIABLE spirit is to do enormous CHAOS and Harm! Remember Ethan Rayne? The jerk who forcibly inducted your best friend into a 'sorcery gang'? HE WAS DUMB to get involved with… Eyghon was it? Recall the faith you were raised in, recall what you said the rabbi said in the synagogue 'that God is our Father.' remember that? You said you were going to do a spell… remember that, and now remember the point I just made- God is the 'Dad' I was referring to!" "Ok, love, I get that, just the gun part makes me a bit, shall we say- confused." "You've been re-writing nature, and yes, I have a problem with that!" "So, nature is this firearm that you talk about?" "Nature, DNA, yes it is!" "You never seemed to be that religious before, why now?" Willow asked finally. "Willow, it has to do with my job, you know, the fight against evil… can't do so without a power source, and a very good one at that. Look, there are some people already who claim that we're demons, or servants of Lucifer, or tools of Satan, or whatever- that 'Slayers are possessed', I don't believe that! Not for one minute!" now Kennedy was very upset., she was almost crying.

"Now you see why my beliefs are so important to me, Willow, I want to prove them wrong, and by them, I mean those who claim that those who say that because my DNA includes the propensity to be a preternatural 'warrior-woman' I must be a *gulp* traitor to God, and by returning to church at a regular basis, maybe I can prove to myself that those claims are groundless… and not get suicidal!" Kennedy was almost at tears. "Um, Kennedy, why would a gal who is interested in returning to her Catholic faith be calling her female lover a goddess?" "I was exaggerating, Willow! I also meant that you were exceedingly gorgeous! In short, I was being poetic." "Yeah, I get it, but having a affair with someone of the same gender? Doesn't that break several rules of that faith?" "Yes, well, we aren't perfect, are we?" Kennedy argued.

For a first time shaving a thick beard, Kennedy did a spectacular job, but she made a critical error common to beginner shavers- she forgot to line the sink with paper towels, and rinsed all the hair down the sink. After she was finished, she got dressed for church. (It was Sunday).

Dawn got up, and went to brush her teeth thinking _'Man, I hate morning-breath!'_ , when she rinsed, she was surprised and yelled "Hey! Why is the sink slow to drain?" "Let me see that." Xander, the handyman said, irritated, then he continued after using the plunger on the sink for the fifth attempt to unclog it said "Ohhhhh, Snap! This thing is really super-clogged!" When he finally found out what had clogged this thing, he discovered it to be a huge hairball of black hair; Kennedy's beard and mustache! "Someone forgot to line the sink with paper towels." he said. "Xander, let up on her… _please_?" Willow said "It is really her first time, and she isn't to blame for this fiasco- I am." said Willow, then she continued "You know I love you as a brother Xand, but sometimes my… addiction gets the better of me" Willow said with her head hanging "It's a one-time thing, I assure you, I was just playing around." "Playing around with your lesbian lover's DNA, why does that sound so wrong to me at so many levels? Let me see…" Xander said.

As for Kennedy, the Mass went fine, and as she'd made it to church well ahead of time, she also made the sacrament of Confession, which meant that she could take the Eucharist too- very good for her preternatural strength to be sustained.

_ **Author's notes:** _

_Kennedy is not living according to the rules of the Catholic Faith, but in this story, at least she's beginning to try to live right. I was convinced to give her that faith by the stories of some other writers in this series (fanfiction writers, of course). I rather like their work, some of them are: CNWinters, Alixtii, and Stormwreath, just to name the ones I have read that see her like that.- so I adopted that point of view on her._

_I myself am a Roman Catholic man, and I am familiar with the social teachings of the Church, one not commonly understood is that_ **_all humans_ ** **_ regardless _ ** **_of gender_ ** _alive today, and any day, are God's children- this would include people living like Kennedy (she's living in sin in the series), but she'd still be my sister by adoption from God._

_I put the situation with the sink because I have had a similar problem with clogging the drain after forgetting to line the sink with paper-towels, it tends to really frustrate my current landlord (I will not tell who he is openly)._

_I do writing in this trajectory for the reason that I am attempting to improve my own character with mercy and benevolence._

_I intend to continue writing stories involving her and her beliefs. Feel free to PM me or review this story._

_I meant it as a silly comedy._

_I may continue. Hey, maybe I'll make a semi-series of stories regarding her POV._


	2. "A Loving Breakup."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repentance lead Kennedy to have to break up with Willow, but to her satisfaction, and unintended surprise, she was most definitely permitted to stay her friend, in-fact, she was encouraged to.

 

**Chapter 2.): “A Loving Breakup”.**

 

**Author's Notes beginning Chapter 2.):** _ In this one, the chapter will be rather more profoundly loving, but in a different way than most of you would expect... there won't be much kissing, and it will include rebukes and a breakup- but constructive criticism is an act of love too; as is correcting someone, despite the reality that it doesn't seem to be such. _

_ Oh, and this  _ [text] _ means “telepathic speaking” (which includes prayer, and temptations- or communiques with beings in the Next Life)- that will most likely feature into this story at some point. _

_Please tell me what you think._

**Chapter 2 Summary:** _ Repentance lead Kennedy to have to break up with Willow, but to her satisfaction, and unintended surprise, she was most definitely permitted to stay her friend, in-fact, she was encouraged to. _

 

During the Post-Communion meditation time in Mass, the young gay woman had kept on running through what she'd have to say to her girlfriend, how to break up with her gently, so both understand that the relationship- if there was to be one- had to be chaste. That was the general gist of what the Pastor, a fellow she knew as “Fr. Matthew” had told her- she had to leave the relationship, but could stay friends with her... just so long as the relationship stayed 'sisterly' between them. “Friends, noting more than really good friends” is what they had to be- this was a “no negotiating matter”, that had been made clear to her. Oh, that would hurt, would have even more, but that silly matter of someone giving the Latina a beard then denying it has kind of ruined the bond between the two women!  _ “That was WEIRD.” _ Kennedy thought to herself, then continued planning in her 'mental office'. Fr. Matthew had been very pleased that she was determined to be gentle with this other person's feelings- his knowledge of human nature from his days in the Seminary confirmed to him that if you brutalize someone's feelings- that never ends well for morality.

As she continued kneeling with the white shawl on her black hair, she conferred with the fellow she had just received in the Eucharist- God Himself as to the venue of this [I need to be gentle- emotionally- I will never brutalize her physically, for myself and for her (our happiness), but I also have to make clear that we need to break up- how do I do that without causing a bad impression?] Kennedy begged. She didn't want to hurt someone she claimed to love, but she certainly didn't want to go back on her word either- she was confused to say the least.

While she didn't get a detectable response, something else in her mind told her how to respond: be honest with her, and as respectful as possible, and 'let the chips fall where they may'. In her young life, Kennedy had done a fair amount of domestic gambling with her friends and family; and she was well aware of what this phrase meant, it meant the same thing to a gambler as the saying “it all amounts to a roll of the dice” from the mouth of a wargamer- that no matter what you use to try to tilt the variables, in the end it all amounts to sheer luck.

**** Her dad had been a wargamer, so she was at least somewhat well versed in the terminology of that culture.

Once Fr. Matthew said the final words “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.” she had ironed out what she'd have to say to her soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend. The thought of that phrase being true brought a tear to her eyes “Soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend”, she'd have to leave the relationship- but if Willow'd mess with her very DNA, that is a pretty good clue that this bond is one that shouldn't be there to begin with!

After the recessional hymn was sung, she headed out to her car- with the intent to go home to 1630 Revello Drive and leave the relationship, but *hopefully* stay friends with her neighbor- and loving friends at that!

Once she got home to 1630 Revello Drive, Kennedy DeSilver sought out her girlfriend, took her by the hands to an obscure part of the house, and told her she had to break up with her; but that she'd always love her.

At hearing that Kennedy was breaking up their romantic relationship, Willow was distraught, and begged her to get back together with her and to forgive her for this fight.

To say that Willow was saddened was a total understatement, but Kennedy saw this, and replied, whispering to her when she saw the truth in her mind that it was Willow who'd done that disturbing spell that gave Kennedy a beard. Kennedy frowned in anger “It was you, wasn't it... you did this to me!” Kennedy accused her ex-girlfriend, irritated. She felt violated- violated by the fact that Willow had altered her genetic material. In a desperate gambit for an attempt at proper feminine tenderness, she replied “I know, Honey, but really, what did you think? You messed with my DNA, hence you abused me, so what do you think I'd do about this?”.

Kennedy tried again “We can remain friends, but cannot be engaged in romance or sex- those open the doorways to the First getting into our hearts- I'll always love you, though.” she said, sadly. “I can't date you or be in a romantic relationship with you, however, as that's a dishonest romance, Willow.”  
Willow was shocked “Dishonest romance- whatever do you mean by 'dishonest romance', Kenn-doll?” she asked.

Kennedy smiled sadly “I wanted to marry you, but that would delude both of us, far better to love in a modest way than to engage in martial bliss in falsehood.” she tried to tell her how it was necessary to love in a chaste and celibate way if they couldn't wed, it didn't work out, however, and the only result, besides Willow getting impressed with Kenn's maturity was a pair of broken hearts...

When they both saw the sadness in one-another's eyes, however, it went straight into disaster.

Kennedy stormed off, all upset due to it being now clear to her that Willow had messed with Kennedy's DNA, and had messed up Kenn's DNA, and thereby her body- giving Kenny a beard was indeed weird, and now both women were all upset; Willow went off in a huff, and Kennedy walked off to the porch, sobbing silently about the fight they'd just had- she wanted friendship, but since she couldn't have romance with her now, in order to keep their souls safe from the corruptive influence of the First Evil, a being she was pretty certain in her mind was, in fact, Satan; now, instead of friendship, both of them had their hearts broken badly.

Xander and Dawn both saw Kennedy head out to the porch and put her face in her hands, and Buffy went over to help comfort Willow, whom she'd always seen as a sister of hers, although they weren't siblings in any sense but they were in how they saw one-another and how they got along with eachother. Xander sat down on Kennedy's right, and Dawn sat beside her on her left- they talked to her as if she was their sister and rubbed her back gently, while telling her that she was right to let Willow down gently- they knew she'd tried to do just that, but the breakup hurt them both too much. Both people to her sides told Kennedy that she was entirely correct to break up with Willow, considering as Willow had basically mistreated her.

“But I love her so.” Kennedy said, her black hair in her favorite black hair-bow as she put her hand to her heart and looked from Dawn to Xander and back again, all upset.

“You never met Willow's dark side, did you?” Xander asked her, beginning an argument to his friend.

“No, I don't think so” she paused, and then continued after some thought “I thought it'd be cool, somehow, to have a girlfriend who's a witch, instead it's very unpredictable, isn't it?” she asked him.

Dawn chimed in about then “I didn't know Dark Willow all that well, but she did know she's a junkie, and” after a short pause, Dawn continued “wow! She was quite immature as well- she once took me to a drug den, where it appears she was pimping herself out to the dealer for her 'fixes'...” Dawn's voice trailed off as she realized it may not be wise to reveal to even a potential slayer that her girlfriend or ex-girlfriend was acting as a prostitute. She paused, then said “Aaaand I put my foot in my mouth again, didn't I?” Dawn asked, rhetorically and totally embarrassed about her terminology.

“I think she needs to know what that woman would be like in case she goes bad again, Dawn.” Xander replied, and Kennedy nodded in agreement, as painful as it was to hear about the sins that Dawn had figured out that Willow had committed, she wanted to resolve the matter and get right, as well as getting things right.

“You're right, Xander... I do need to hear all about her.” Kennedy replied, with a sad smile.

“You're looking right at the hero of that story, Kennedy.” Dawn replied while Kennedy looked at Xander in attention to his storyline he was telling her.

“It was the love of a sibling that brought her back from killing everyone...” Xander told his story, making clear he was talking about the “brand” of love, and not that the two of them were really brother and sister, besides in how they treated eachother- and she acquired a new-found compassion for him, as he had saved her life by the time he was done telling her the story of how he brought Willow out of the hold of the First Evil's potent brand of drugs known as witchcraft.

“She was a real mess, wasn't she? I still love her, though.” Kennedy said.

“Well, Tara's death did that to her, it virtually destroyed her soul.” they both told the Latina.

“I wonder what Tara was like...” Kennedy said, her voice drifting off and her eyes gazing off into the horizon as she sat down, that Sunday afternoon- it had been quite a day!

Meanwhile, Buffy talked to Willow as Will did the dishes from lunch, trying to calm down, and brought her to see that love is not merely romance, but also it includes her own attitude towards Dawn, and their mutual attitudes towards oneanother as well as towards Dawn- “Love, from a female” said Buffy “is first and foremost sororal, sisterly, then other types come of that, and if you lose the sibling-like love, then no other kind can long exist.” she explained- on the porch, the other two were making the same argument to the other hurting woman...

 

** End Chapter 2 Author's Notes: ** _ I was convinced to continue this in order to prevent misunderstandings of my faith's regulations. Kennedy, in partaking in the Sacrament of Confession, would have to make a sincere resolution to amend her lifestyle, and this includes leaving her romantic relationship with another (any other) female- what calmed her was the fact that she became aware that she'd be allowed to, and was in fact encouraged to love her now ex-girlfriend, Willow Rosenberg. _

_ Make no mistake, folks, the compassion they have for eachother calms them, but they cannot be engaged in romance or sex and keep themselves or eachother safe from the First's extremely corrupt influence. _


End file.
